The Deep End
Once I put my togs on, I was ready. I jumped in, splash. It was cold, but gradually got warmer as my body adjusted to the temperature. I played with my friends and splashed water in their faces, then decided to go deeper. Nothing wrong with that right? As I went deeper, my feet started lifting off from the floor, and I was floating. I found this cool. I went deeper, and found I was unable to get back to my friends; I couldn't swim. I gasped for air as my head was dunking, over and under. I started crying, thinking that this was going to be the end. I was waving my arms around and saw someone backing towards me. I grabbed onto their shoulders and held on tight.
W.A.L.T: Use "Show not Tell"
For this writing, we used show not tell, to let the reader infer whats happening.
What were you able to infer from my writing?
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Wednesday, 24 October 2018
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ReplyDeleteHi Sione,
ReplyDeleteI loved the way your piece of writing had lot's of detail and it really hocked me in. From your writing I inferred that you were feeling first excited then frightened. Maybe next time you could try and use a different word for deeper, other than that your writing was amazing. I can't wait to see more great work from you.
From Mikaela.